Nobody should have to do this in the dark.
Whether you are still deciding or it was decided for you, not knowing what happens next is most of what makes this harder than it has to be. So here is what to do this week, what it costs, and what the law in your state actually says — with the statute printed next to it so you can check us. Free, and there is nothing to sign up for to read any of it.
Where are you right now?
Tell us where you are and we will show you what matters this week, what can wait, and what to do next. Pick the sentence that sounds most like yours.
I am only thinking about it
Nobody has to know you are here. Read what it actually involves, at your own pace, before you say a word to anyone.
I have decided, and they do not know yet
The order you do things in this month matters more than almost anything you will do later. Some of it cannot be undone.
My spouse wants a divorce
You did not choose the timing and you are behind on information, not on rights. Here is what happens next and what not to agree to yet.
We are separating, or filing
Forms, deadlines, the residency rule, and the traps that get a filing rejected and cost you six weeks you did not have.
I am in the middle of it
Alimony, child support, the house, custody. Every figure read off a statute or a clerk’s own fee schedule, with the citation printed beside it.
My divorce is final
The decree is not the end of the paperwork, and this part lasts years. It is also the part almost nobody writes about.
986 pages, all fifty states, and every gap we could not close written on the page in plain language. How we make money.
Something is happening right now and you are not safe. Protective orders, and what they do and do not do → If someone is reading your phone →
Three things almost everyone has wrong
Not opinions. Each of these is on a page here with the source printed next to it, and each one costs somebody something.
“Half the pension” is worth nothing without one more document.
A decree awarding you half a pension is legally inert until a QDRO is drafted and accepted by the plan. Plans are neither permitted nor required to follow a decree that is not a proper QDRO. People find this out at retirement, when it can no longer be fixed.
US Department of Labor, Employee Benefits Security Administration
A statistic you have definitely seenThe famous 73 per cent figure is a documented arithmetic error.
Weitzman’s 1985 finding — women’s standard of living falls 73 per cent, men’s rises 42 — was re-analyzed by Peterson in 1996 and found to be a calculation mistake. The real figures are closer to 27 and 10. It is still quoted everywhere.
Peterson, American Sociological Review, 1996
The one about the childrenChildren do not track the divorce. They track the conflict.
The largest meta-analysis in the field found the effect of divorce itself on children is small to moderate, and heavily moderated by how much conflict they are exposed to — before it and after it. Which is the most useful thing a frightened parent can be told, because conflict is the part you have some control over.
Amato and Keith, Psychological Bulletin, 1991
Fifty states of filing rules, court fees, child support, custody and alimony — every figure read off a statute or a clerk’s own fee schedule and linked to it. Where we could not confirm something, the page says so instead of guessing.
Know what a step costs and how long it takes before you take it. Most of what goes wrong in a divorce is a decision made without the one number that would have changed it.
People in your county who are going through it now, and people a chapter ahead who already have. Anonymous, local, and honest about the parts nobody says out loud.
Four phases, and we cover all four
Most sites start at the filing and stop at the decree. That is the middle of the story. What comes before it, and what comes after it, both last longer.
What will this cost me?
Six questions, and a real range for your state and your situation — court fees, attorney hours, the expert costs nobody warns you about, and how long it takes. Everyone tells you it depends. We show you what it depends on.
Local enough to name the firm.
Anonymous enough to tell the truth.
Reddit gives you anonymity but no locality. Facebook gives you locality but your real name — and your spouse’s lawyer reads Facebook. Here you pick a moniker and get both: your own county, where people name the firms and the judges and say what they actually paid, and a national room for every chapter after.
The community is not open yet. We are opening one county at a time so that it is real from the first day — tell us where you are below and we will come to you.
Eight hundred pages. One index.
Fifty states deep on the things that vary by state — custody, support, alimony, filing fees, protective orders — and one page each on the things that are the same everywhere. All of it comes down to about sixty things people find out too late, and those are collected on one page. Searchable, so you can type “Ohio” or “alimony” and get straight there.
Get in before your county opens
We’re opening one county at a time so the community is real from the first day. Tell us where you are and we’ll come to you.
Thank you for your response. ✨
No spam. We’ll never ask for your real name, and we won’t share your address with anyone.