Drinking during divorce
The wine got bigger. Almost nobody says this out loud during a divorce, and it is one of the most common things that happens. This page is not going to tell you to stop. It sets out what the measured changes actually are, where the line between coping and a problem is drawn clinically, and what the options are, including the ones that involve neither steps nor a room full of strangers.
988, Crisis Text Line, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline are real, free, and available right now, but none of them offer unconditional, no-exceptions confidentiality. Knowing the actual limits helps you use them with realistic expectations instead of false assumptions in either direction.
- 988: call, text, or chat, free, 24/7, for any mental health crisis, not just active suicidal thoughts.
- Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, free, 24/7, if texting feels more accessible than talking.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org, free, 24/7, for domestic violence or coercive control situations, including in the middle of divorce or custody conflict.
- If you’re on a device your partner or ex might have access to, use a safer device or call directly rather than relying on your browser history clearing itself, and use a site’s quick-exit feature if one is available.
- If you tell a crisis line about specific, credible plans to harm yourself or someone else, expect that emergency responders may be contacted even without your explicit consent — that is a built-in feature of these services, not a violation of trust.
Alcohol and Coping
Drinking patterns after a divorce shift in surprisingly gendered ways, and knowing where the actual risk lines sit, rather than guessing, is the first useful step. There are real, effective medical and non-12-step treatment options if drinking has become a problem.
Divorce is linked to increased heavy drinking in both sexes, but the pattern over time differs for men and women.
Reported consistently, not settled
A national study of older adults’ marital histories found that divorced men in their sixties reported notably higher rates of heavy drinking than married men of the same age, though that gap narrowed as they aged further. Divorced women showed elevated heavy drinking around age 60 relative to married women, but their drinking declined more quickly with age than men’s did. Researchers point to two mechanisms: spouses (especially wives) exerting ‘social control’ over a partner’s drinking within marriage, and partners’ drinking patterns converging over time.
NIAAA defines heavy drinking using specific, checkable thresholds that differ for men and women.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism defines heavy drinking as 4 or more drinks on any single day, or 8 or more drinks per week, for women; and 5 or more drinks on any single day, or 15 or more drinks per week, for men. These thresholds mark increased risk for alcohol-related problems, not a diagnosis by themselves.
AUDIT-C is a fast, validated 3-question self-screen for risky drinking that takes about a minute.
The AUDIT-C (Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test — Consumption) asks how often you drink, how many drinks you typically have on a drinking day, and how often you have 6 or more drinks on one occasion. It’s one of the two brief screening tools recommended by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force for primary care and is widely used precisely because it’s quick enough for routine, honest self-check-ins rather than a clinical intake process.
Naltrexone and acamprosate are FDA-approved, non-addictive medications for alcohol use disorder with modest but real, evidence-backed effects.
Cochrane and other systematic reviews find oral naltrexone reduces the chance of returning to heavy drinking (number needed to treat around 10 to 12) and modestly increases abstinence rates. Acamprosate, best used once someone has already stopped drinking, helps prevent a return to any drinking with a similar number needed to treat around 9 to 12. Neither drug is a cure on its own, but both have a real, replicated effect size and are considered underused relative to their evidence.
SMART Recovery and similar non-12-step mutual-help programs show comparable outcomes to Alcoholics Anonymous for people who prefer a secular, self-empowerment framework.
Reported consistently, not settled
A systematic review of SMART Recovery research found consistent evidence of improvement in substance use outcomes among participants, though the overall research base is smaller and methodologically less mature than the decades of AA-focused research. A separate longitudinal comparison study found Women for Sobriety, LifeRing, SMART Recovery, and 12-step groups all showed comparable efficacy for people with alcohol use disorder, suggesting fit and preference matter more than which specific group format someone chooses.
Naltrexone and acamprosate are used across a spectrum of alcohol use disorder severity, not only for severe, longtime dependence, and both have measurable, replicated effects on drinking outcomes in controlled trials. A conversation with a doctor about them doesn’t require a self-label, just a documented pattern of risky drinking.
SMART Recovery (a secular, cognitive-behavioral mutual-help program) and Moderation Management (for people targeting reduced, not eliminated, drinking) are real alternatives with their own research base, and a longitudinal comparison found outcomes broadly comparable to 12-step groups.
Zemore, S. E., et al., 2018, Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment / PubMed 29606223
What to actually do
- Take the AUDIT-C honestly on your own; a score that puts you above the risk threshold is a reasonable trigger to talk to a doctor, not a verdict on your character.
- If you’re drinking more since the separation, track it against the NIAAA numbers (4+/day or 8+/week for women, 5+/day or 15+/week for men) rather than against a vague sense of ‘is this normal.’
- If you want to explore medication, ask a primary care doctor or psychiatrist about naltrexone or acamprosate specifically; you don’t need to be in a specialty addiction program to start that conversation.
- If 12-step meetings don’t fit you, look for a local or online SMART Recovery meeting or the Moderation Management framework before assuming there’s no group option for you.
- Alcohol interacts dangerously with many medications used during divorce-related distress, including benzodiazepines and some sleep aids — combining them raises overdose risk.